Pencil, Not Marker

“I never told him what I liked in sex, because saying it felt like signing in permanent marker. It turns out it’s pencil.”

My worry was simple: say “I love that” once, and I’d owe it forever, even on nights I didn’t. Then I read how women in the OMGYES research talk about this. Their favorites move around with the night and the mood, and they say so as easily as ordering coffee. The research even has a name for the ways they do it: Signaling.

A favorite isn’t a contract. You’re allowed to edit.

Women: liking something on a Tuesday doesn’t sign you up for every Tuesday after. Plenty of women treat it as a running draft, and they say it keeps things lively.

Partners: when she changes her mind, she’s handing you fresh information, not taking back a compliment. Being the person she can revise with is a rare kind of trust.