2023-09-27 Older Wisdom
I LOVE hearing older women share their experiences about sex. And I want you to get the same feels I did.
So I grew up in a family that was relatively open about sex stuff. But people in my grandma’s generation NEVER EVER talked about what they’d learned about sex to my mom or sisters or me. Not even on wine nights.
And until now, I wouldn’t have wanted her to. I’d learned to say, ‘TMI’ which essentially is saying shut up you’re not allowed to talk about that, and I don’t want to hear it.
But now seeing these ladies in the videos on OMGYES - I see it can be comfortable and that openness about this stuff is SO GREAT. It shines much needed daylight on this stuff and makes it feel OK, like we’re all in this together. It’s all normal. And a big takeaway from me is IT GETS BETTER!
Movies had be believing sex just goes downhill with age, but this research shows that’s total BS. In fact, younger women know less about what they want, have more difficulty asking for it, and are more worried about what the partner’s thinking.
Check out this lady, Louise. This is from the section of OMGYES about the way 76% of women discover they like penetration that goes in, and stays in rather than going in-out-in-out.
Isn’t Louise amazing? Have you ever seen anything like that?
The most impactful part of OMGYES for me wasn’t the physical techniques, but the mental ones.
So one of the main ways sex gets better over lifetimes, is women knowing what they want and, crucially, ASKING FOR IT FROM THEIR PARTNER.
This is one of those things you can easily talk yourself out of doing - but when women finally discover a way that works - it makes a huge difference and propels them forward on their journey to better sex and more sexual confidence.
I’m going to copy and paste a few of the thoughts that get in the way of asking for what you want. And things partners do that actually overcomes those barriers, according to the research:
“I’m afraid you’ll take it as criticism and it will hurt your feelings.”
What a partner can say:
“I still have so much to learn about you, and I love discovering more and more about what you like”
How it helps: Lets me remember you don’t need to feel like ‘the expert’ who already knows everything. You’re curious. So when I ask for something, you’ll be happy to learn more about what I want.
“I don’t know how to describe what I like.”
What a partner can do:
Ask her to show you what touch she likes on your knuckle (see video below.) Or take your hand and guide your hand on her body.
How it helps:
I don’t have the words to describe the details of the pressure and movement I like, so it’s way easier to show you.
“I’m afraid I’ll ask for something and it won’t work”
What a partner can do: Set aside 20 minutes where you both agree that orgasm isn’t the goal, the goal is exploring, trying new things and learning.
How it helps:
It lowers the stakes. This way, I feel comfortable suggesting lots of things.
“I don’t even know what I like”
What you can do:
Suggest going through OMGYES techniques, separately or together, and marking down things that look interesting.
How it helps:
It gives me options to respond to, and things to point to.
Oh and another thing that worked like a charm for me:
Getting specific after sex is the best way to start communicating, if you don’t at all yet.
Right after sex, tell each other exactly what you liked that the other did, in detail. It makes it easier for them to repeat it and feels good to hear!
The suggested way that worked for us was taking turns answering a specific question, ‘What was your favorite part?’ They say it works best being extra affectionate during this, and spooning so you don’t have to make eye-contact during it.
One more I want to share.
But I do want to share one other of the ladies I adore. This is from a section of the site about how 84% of women eventually discover extra pleasure right at the entrance to their vagina.
So, what exactly is OMGYes?
Researchers took stories, interviews and tons of data from over 20,000 women, aged up to 95, and turned the findings into a website with animations, articles and how-to’s.
Here’s their intro video:
Was it worth it? Yes Yes Yes
So OMGYES is a one-time payment - not a subscription. So I think of it as an investment in growing this part of my life. And always having it to refer back to. There’s A LOT of info, so it’s going to take me a long time to get through. But the women on the site are fun and funny - so I just watch it instead of netflix some nights.
I wish I had a time machine to go back and give this to myself and my sisters (and my mom?) And I wish wish wish guys I dated had all this perspective, too. OMGYES is actually on sale right now so you can check out the price here.
