2023-10-12 Consistency

The Two Discoveries I’ve Made From OMGYES So Far

I was skeptical when I first heard about OMGYES, “A video website sharing new scientific discoveries about women’s pleasure from research with 20,000 women, ages 18-95, conducted in partnership with Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers.”

Then I watched the sample videos and realized this was a whole new thing. These were regular people with regular bodies. The women weren’t ‘experts’ telling me what I should do, they were sharing their stories and being vulnerable. Like one of those rare moments with my girlfriends when someone let slip something they like in bed and everyone was supportive instead of giggling or saying TMI.

Here's the Intro Video:

So when shelter-in-place happened, along with Netflix and a Ms Pac Man app, I bought OMGyes. And what I got from it wasn’t what I expected I would.

Case in point

So with every partner I’ve had, I really like when they switch up how they touch me during foreplay and while I’m building up my pleasure. It’s like we’re just being playful even if it’s not going to ‘get me there.’  But eventually, when I get close, if they keep switching up how they’re touching me, I lose the orgasm.

My current boyfriend is a talker. And after sex a few times he’s asked how it could be better for me. And I haven’t had anything concrete about what he could do differently.  

I knew what I didn’t want him to do, which is fucking change what he was doing and make me lose my orgasm. But that would be different each time. So like, if he was staying still and I was moving on him in a certain way, and I was close, I needed him to stay still.  Or if he was moving his finger on my clit in tiny soft circles and I was close, I needed him to not switch to left-right or make the circles bigger or harder or anything different.

The big light-bulb moment for me on OMGyes was watching videos where four different women shared this same experience.  And reading that this is true for ⅔ of all women. And because OMGyes is insights combined from 20 thousand women’s experiences, of course there were women out there in my same situation who had found all sorts of helpful ways of thinking about my same situation and ways of talking to their partners about it.

It’s a revelation just having the word, ‘consistency’ for the thing I want. 

It’s not about staying still or doing the circles the way he was doing them before he changed them.  It’s “consistency” - moving the exact same way when I’m close to coming.  Now I have something specific I can tell him that makes sense.  And because I know ⅔ of women also like that same thing, I feel bolder about asking for it. 

“The approach”

And now I know and can tell him not just that I want consistency, but ‘when’ too.  In college I took a class on sexuality and there was that graph with stages of arousal. Well turns out the OMGyes research revealed there’s another stage - between building up pleasure and orgasming. And that’s the stage when consistency gets so important. So true for me.

One woman described it like this: “The pleasure gets a sharper focus and I can tell the orgasm is on the horizon, that’s when everything needs to stay the same.”  Another said, “when I feel the orgasm is growing, it gets more intense but it’s so easy to jinx it. If my partner stops even for a second to reposition, then it goes away and we have to start over.”

Another woman on the site said this and it was like I was reading my own thoughts, “It’s kind of like being on a mental tightrope that’s going up and up—and consistency of the motion helps me stay balanced and stay on that tightrope. Any change to the motion—it shakes the tightrope—and I can fall off and lose the orgasm or else have a smaller, partial orgasm that’s hella frustrating.”

Consistency is one chapter of dozens.

I don’t know about you but I’ve never ever actually IRL tried one of the sex tips in Cosmo. But I actually try the OMGyes techniques because I know these are things LOTS of women like. And I can hear in the women’s voices and see in their faces how revelatory it was for them in their lives, like “Consistency” was in mine.

I highly recommend every woman and everyone who has sex with a woman get OMGyes and do it one section at a time.