2023-10-03 Buddha Skepticism
I’m amazed at how much these grandma sex-jedis just taught me.
I’ve always been skeptical of all sex info out there. I think it’s from seeing endless bogus articles promising “10 ways to blow his/her mind.”But hearing way older women share the things they wish they’d discovered sooner feels very different. My grandma doesn’t say things like, ‘I wish I could go back 40 years and move my husband’s hand to my clitoris during sex. We didn’t start doing that till our 60s!” At least she doesn’t talk like that to me.
Intuitively, I know older = wiser. But in just 15 minutes, these ladies made me see new things I want to do, and emboldened me to be confident to ask for them.
Where I Found These Sex Buddhas
“If I only knew then what I know now.”
That was a quote that stuck out to me from an interview with Louise in one of my favorite videos. She was one of the many interviewed by researchers from Yale and Indiana University with OMGYes to unlock the sexual discoveries of over 20,000 women.
When asked about their biggest breakthroughs, both Louise and another woman, Sidney (above) both talked about how exactly they got past distracting thoughts. And I loved how it didn’t matter if the sex was partnered or solo.
They spoke with such badass confidence. I think of myself as a pretty good communicator, but nothing like the frankness in the way they described what they enjoyed. They didn’t doubt themselves, they didn’t shrink from it. I definitely bookmarked their styles for when I want to talk to my own husband about what I want. Too often, I think I get in my own way and these were genius blueprints to follow!
Wait, what exactly is OMGYes?
Researchers asked 20,000 women what made their pleasure better, in detail, and then found the patterns.
I love this part of one OMGYES review:“It’s like you’re handed a map when you are born and told there’s treasure somewhere but you have to find it. And over your lifetime, you do find some. OMGYES has colored in the paths that 20,000 women successfully used to find the treasure. Learning where the paths that tend to work are located just seems like such an obvious win.”
Here’s their intro video:
I’m a data nerd, and a skeptic, so something I love about OMGYes is every idea on the site has large-scale, published, peer-reviewed research behind it. And that legit-ness makes me a lot more confident actually trying what they suggest - way more than an influencer with a laptop in a McMansion somewhere. Women in their 70s and 80s aren’t performing for the camera. They’re not ‘building their brands.’ They’re just (pretty wholesomely) saying the stuff that matters but usually goes unsaid.
Also, OMG Yes totally met me where I’m at. It wasn’t Beginner Sex 101, but it also wasn’t like “yassss girl, spring break, let’s go wild with strangers” either. I’ve been married for 15 years and I love the idea of having hotter sex with my husband and with myself solo, but I don’t have hours to spend on this as a working parent. (Let’s be real here, the relay race of parenting a toddler means that solo sex is often the only sex that’s gonna happen.) I can dip into the site, get some truth nuggets, and try them for a while.
My biggest discoveries so far
One thing I always felt was that I was “taking too long” or testing my partner’s patience. And I thought I was weird or unreasonable when I wanted more warm-up and ramp up. It turns out, according to their research, more than 75% of women have both those struggles. I know it shouldn’t matter, but just re-framing these as normal things women DO get past made me change from resigned to hopeful and hungry for more knowledge. And these nice old ladies guiding me and the research-basis made it even more comfortable.
Diving into the most sensitive parts of my body right away without enough build up doesn’t “cut to the chase” of turning me on… it actually makes my body slam on the brakes. What I (and 67% of all women!) need is my partner doing the exact same motion with their finger or tongue for five minutes straight. (Seriously, don’t stop means don’t stop!)
Before OMGYES, I had a good idea about what did and didn’t work for me and I was able to tell my partner enough to really make it work for us. I wish I had a time machine to go back and tell the men I dated about this! So many guys out there are just being way too impatient or switching up their motions at the key moment when I need consistency. I swear, any man who has sex with women should check this out, too.
What does it cost?
Thankfully it’s not a subscription. I hate sites that try to trick me into paying for the same thing every month. It’s actually on sale right now so you can check out the price here.