2023-09-27 Buddha Long
I thought I knew everything I needed to know about sex. Then I asked someone my grandma’s age
I’m not even kidding! I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about sex, I even subscribe to a few sex positive social media accounts and podcasts.
But I’m telling you, in just 15 minutes, these ladies made me feel totally at ease about my own self-pleasure and emboldened me to be confident in asking for what I want. And now that I think about it, it’s so obvious! They’ve had their entire lives to learn, to get comfortable, and to stop giving a shit about what anyone thinks about them. They’re like sex buddhas; knowledgeable and with the keys to sexy enlightenment.
It took me just one week for these sex buddha grandmas to make me feel confident in asking for what I like and feeling normal for wanting it.
Where I Found These Sex Buddhas
“We should be arrested for having way too much fun.”
That was a quote that stuck out to me from an interview with Louise in one of my favorite videos. She was one of the many interviewed by researchers at Yale and Indiana University with OMGYes to unlock the sexual secrets of over 20,000 women.
When asked about her biggest discoveries, both Louise and another woman named Sidney both talked about how exactly they got past distracting thoughts to really connect in their bodies to access the pleasure they’d been holding back on and make sex a totally transcendent experience. And I loved how it didn’t matter if the sex was partnered or solo.
And they both spoke with such badass confidence. I think of myself as a pretty good communicator, but I love the frankness in the way they described what they enjoyed. They didn’t apologise, they didn’t doubt themselves, they didn’t shrink from it. I definitely bookmarked their style for when I want to talk to my own husband about what I want. Too often, I think I get in my own way and this was a perfect blueprint to follow!
My two biggest discoveries from these women on omgyes
The first was Broadening… a term I’d never heard of and yet here was a whole chapter on it! And not only that, but it’s super popular. 46% of women do this… and it turns out, I’m one of them.
Broadening is getting pleasure from a broad surface, which for a lot of women means rubbing or grinding on something like a mattress or furniture. This totally unlocked a memory for me of being a teenager, riding the arm of a loveseat and fantasizing that the pillow was the chest of a real person. It was something I was always a little embarrassed about, but now that I know how totally normal it is, I can’t deny that those were some hot solo sessions. It turns out that most women discovered their pleasure this way, long before partnered sex.
Before OMGYes, I figured that this was just a phase I went through that should never be brought up or thought about again. But after hearing Louise and Sidney talk about it, I thought why not? It was such a hot way to experience arousal, why shouldn’t I try bringing it into my adult sex life? I got the courage (after a glass or wine or two, I’ll admit) to tell my husband about Broadening and asked if we could try incorporating it into our foreplay. Later that night, we were making out and I used his thigh to grind my vulva and wow, the memories of that sensation came flooding back! It really intensified our connection and added an extra frenetic energy when we did move on to penetrative sex later.
The other technique was Edging, a technique I’d heard a little bit about and was totally excited to learn more about! Edging is all about getting yourself right up to the tip-top edge of an orgasm and then pulling it back, only to ramp it all the way up again.
I followed along with everything Sydney’s “rollercoaster” technique and tried it out by myself. Verdict: I can confirm I am indeed one of the 65.5% of women who get way more powerful, longer orgasms from edging!
Since OMGYes also has instructional videos where you actually see real women using this technique on themselves, I was able to not only have the language to tell my husband what I wanted, but I had a video to show him exactly what I was talking about. He later told me that bringing a new technique to the bedroom made him feel sexy and exciting in a way he hadn’t in a few years.
Wait, what exactly is OMGYes?
Researchers took stories, interviews and tons of data from over 20,000 women and turned it into a website with animations, articles and how-to’s like where I found Sydney and Louise.
Here’s their intro video:
But to make sure it really worked to help couples have better sex, they commissioned a study with the Indiana University school of medicine. They found that after just 1 month 89% of couples had more pleasurable sex.
The first thing I noticed and liked about OMGYes is its science and numbers based approach. I can’t help it, I’m a huge data nerd and I like seeing a mix of numbers and personal testimonies. It makes me feel a lot more secure than just trusting an influencer with a laptop in a McMansion somewhere. It’s actually using info from tens of thousands of women surveyed at the Indiana University School of Medicine, so that’s extra legit points there.
Also, OMG Yes totally met me where I’m at. It wasn’t Beginner Sex 101, but it also wasn’t like “yassss girl, spring break, let’s go wild with strangers” either. I’ve been married for 15 years and I love the idea of having hotter sex with my husband and with myself solo, but I’m looking for something that fits with our lives as two working parents. (Let’s be real here, the relay race of parenting a toddler means that solo sex is often the only sex that’s gonna happen.)
Who it’s for
I actually wish I’d had this when I was still dating and having a really hard time telling my partners what kind of touch worked for me. I always felt like I was “taking too long” or testing their patience when I needed foreplay to be ramped up slowly. It turns out, according to the research, that’s most women! I know it shouldn’t matter, but just re-framing the way I see my body made me feel bolder and sexier. I’m not “taking forever,” I’m “owning and enjoying my pleasure to the fullest.”
Specifically, I was relieved to hear from other women that they were also experiencing the same boredom and anxiety when foreplay wasn’t being done right.
For me, a big part of that is enjoying a slow increase of arousal. Diving into the most sensitive parts of my body right away without a build up doesn’t “cut to the chase” of turning me on… it actually feels abrasive and makes my body slam on the brakes. If it’s too much too soon, it ends up taking even longer for my body to recalibrate and get into the mood again. And more often than not, it means my partner doing the exact same motion with their tongue or mouth for five minutes straight. (Seriously, don’t stop means don’t stop!)
At this point in my life, I had a good idea about what did and didn’t work for me and I was able to tell my partner enough to really make it work for us. But in the back of my mind, I always had this idea of myself as such a slow burn and I was self-conscious about it. This really validated that MOST women need gradual teasing and can’t just go from zero to a hundred after thirty seconds of kissing and foreplay. I need a gentle approach and I need it done consistently for a while… something that feels just okay at first will feel unbelievably amazing after a few more minutes!
I wish I had a time machine to go back and tell the men I dated about this! So many guys out there are just being way too impatient and inconsistent. I swear, any man who has sex with women or thinks he’s good at it should check this out.
What does it cost?
Thankfully it’s not a subscription. I hate sites that try to trick me into paying for the same thing every month. It’s actually on sale right now so you can check out the price here.