2026-10-29 Broadening Essay Original

What’s Broadening? And why is it 80% of us that like it have never talked about it with anyone, ever!?!

I consider myself knowledgeable about sex. But I’ve always been skeptical of ‘sex tip’ articles and even books on the topic. Maybe it’s because of the experience raising kids and getting drastically conflicting parenting advice. When there’s no scientific study as a source, I know not to trust it. I know too well that people (and writers) repeat the things they hear. And when it comes to sexual pleasure, there had never been actual studies about what feels good — so all the info online and in books has been anecdotal.

That’s what’s so intriguing about the OMGYES project — they partnered with Indiana University School of Medicine and Yale to ask tens of thousands of women about the specific techniques that are pleasurable for them. The biggest findings are presented on OMGYES.com with videos of regular women telling about each thing from their experience.

Here’s their intro video:

There are like 50 or more topic chapters — and one stood out for me, personally: Broadening.

I only feel comfortable writing this because I now know how normal it is: I’ve always been able to orgasm from laying on my stomach and rubbing really hard against the mattress. Now I have a word for it: ‘grinding.’ It’s been my go-to way to masturbate forever. And I have a vivid memory from when I was young, thinking I’d discovered some kind of magic power and showing my mom, who gave me this look of dread that made me feel ashamed in a way I’d never felt before.

Maybe partly because of that memory, or just how I associate rubbing on the mattress with my teen-aged, acne-faced, awkward version of myself, but I still feel sort of bad about it when I do it. I now realize I’ve always tried to block it out even in my own thoughts. When I’d think about it (or think about how I just did it), I’d get a gross feeling and would try to change the subject in my mind and think about something else, quick.

So it was powerful to see a whole chapter of research findings dedicated to this. Not only did the research show my rubbing against the mattress is a normal thing (46% of women do this!) but my feeling of secrecy about it was normal, too (more than 80% of women who do this have never told anyone about it, ever!) Isn’t that mind-blowing?

‘Broad’ Touch Not ‘Pointy’ Touch

So then, seeing it’s normal and not some dark secret, I found I could think about it without changing the subject in my head. And I could read and learn WHY pressing on the mattress felt good.

The research also explained something I’d never quite been able to put into words, how whenever my partner would touch me with his fingers or even tongue, it felt too ‘pointy.’ Not the good pleasure I get when I push and move on the mattress.

I’d seen this online: a 3D printed ‘entire clitoris.’ But I never found any practical implications for what I could do differently in bed.

Then, this graphic from the OMGYES ‘Broadening’ chapter made the connection. (sorry the animation doesn’t play, it’s just a screenshot.)

Wait, What? Grinding With Partners?

So when I first read the word ‘grinding’ and ‘partner’ together, my mind immediately went to dry-humping on a dance floor or while making out. Which is fun and all, but not at all like what I get from my mattress time.

But the great thing about this research is you don’t just get to see what you like is normal. You also get to see the other things women who like the same things have figured out…

Many of them seem obvious after you hear them in that ‘I almost had that same idea’ sort of way.

Broad touch spreads out pressure over a wide area. So you can get more pressure (harder pushing) than what would feel good from a pointy thing.

So if my partner just makes the surface that’s touching me wider, and puts more pressure, it can give me the feeling I like. Partner-friendly diagram:

Palm instead of fingertip. Side of toy instead of the end… flat part of tongue instead of the tip. Simple. There are also all these ways women get this same kind of pressure by grinding on their partner’s body, from their butts to their chests to their arms.

Staying In

What’s more, there are brilliant ways these women have discovered to get broad pressure DURING intercourse (which I won’t go into here, but especially partners and couples, definitely check out the ‘Staying In’ and ‘Rocking’ chapters.)

From Shame to Power

Going through the ‘Broadening’ chapter, I went from having a pretty dark secret (and not completely enjoying ways my partner touched me but not knowing why) to having something specific I can feel good about openly liking and asking for. But, more than that, these other women’s stories showed me my grinding is actually a valuable skill.

The thing that most gets in the way of pleasure for me is overthinking. When my partner asks what I’d like or what would be better, I don’t have an answer because I get caught up in ‘what should I want?’ ‘should I say I like what we usually do?’ ‘what if I ask for something and we do it and it’s not good?’

But when I do my grinding, it totally bypasses the thinking. It’s my body just directly taking what it wants. And showing me and my partner what it wants. I found this awesome clip from one of the OMGYES videos about this:

My New Theory

Sorry to get a little philosophical here — but I think to make progress around women’s pleasure as individuals, as couples, and as a society, we first need to see that our experiences are normal. And that means looking at this specific stuff, even if it makes us uncomfortable at first. Because only after we release the embarrassment and shame can we see it clearly. And only after we see it clearly can we discover and understand the ways to make it even better —by ourselves and with our partners.

Shine a Light on This Stuff

“Broadening” is 1 of many many chapters — each chapter is a pattern to what feels good. With reasons. From research. Not cosmo sex tips, but science. Not regurgitations of sex tips we’ve seen before — but truths straight from thousands of real women’s experience.

So I recommend women, men, couples, groups of friends, get OMGYES and shine a light on this stuff and talk about it. It’s empowering and inspiring.